Sensitive Men & The Women Who Don’t Love Them

Common-Sense-Quote-Funny-Online-PicturesIn the process of relocating to Texas, starting a new job, moving into a new place, and the myriad of other things going on these days, I haven’t been as plugged into my web life as I once was. Yesterday, I checked my Quora account (out of sheer boredom), and whoa! I have missed quite a bit of activity there. As it would turn out, one of my answers on Quora to the question, “Do women really date sensitive men?” had angered a guy, who I assume, considered himself a sensitive guy.

My answer was, depends on the level of sensitivity. I like a guy who shows empathy in the world, is kind to children and animals, and isn’t a complete narcissistic a$$hole. On the other hand, I don’t normally find a very weepy guy who cries when watching stuff like Steel Magnolias and Hallmark commercials very attractive. Maybe if their team loses in the Super Bowl, yes. But, there has to be some kind of balance there, especially since crying people in general make me nervous. I never know what to do or say when someone is crying, and having a guy around who cries a lot for minor stuff would leave me in a state of anxiety too much of the time. That was just an opinion though.

Mr. Sensitive, though, took exception to my opinion, stating that I am basically what is wrong in the world today. Single-handedly, I have brought about the downfall of sensitive men worldwide, and the side effects of my callous opinion, and others like mine, are serial killers and child molesters.

Really, dude?! That’s a monumental reach, and kind of stupid, if you ask me.

I only wish I was that powerful a voice in the world today.

I’ll take an ultra-sensitive guy over a whiner any day, though.

women-attracted-to-men-funny-quotes-300x300

Look, attractiveness between people is truly subjective. For instance, physically, I’ve always found men from latin heritages more attractive. I don’t really know why. Brown hair and brown eyes have always appealed to me. The perfect 10 for me wouldn’t have soft hands or really, even work some kind of desk job. I like callous on a guy’s hands, and some muscles. I fall for mechanics, farmers, welders, construction guys….not CEO’s, computer programmers, salesmen. or the professors of this world. I tend to fall for the charmers who can make me laugh. I really kind of hate that, since a charmer can also be very shallow, but still… I’m definitely into guy’s guys. Those tend to be the characteristics of men I notice. Can I be held responsible for something I really have no control over?

713c2e175436e551a0adc5ea6476070dIf Mr. Sensitive is having problems catching the eye of any ladies, maybe he’s trying to attract the kind that don’t find him attractive. I believe there is someone for everyone in this world. You just have to locate them. Plus, the real problem is finding someone who is looking for something you have while also possessing something in themselves you are looking for. Mutual attraction is required. Everyone finds this hard to do, sensitive or not sensitive, and feeling sorry for yourself, or blaming ridiculously horrible problems like murder and rape on one person who doesn’t like your type of personality is just plain stupid and makes me think, sensitivity might not be the real problem here.

Now, I’ll step off my soapbox now, and get on with my day.

~ Bird

If any of the following men become available, I’m open to a blind date:

 

benicio_del_toro 14509 Ben-Bratt.480 Javier-Bardem-300x226

MTIwNjA4NjM0MDU0MjE1MTgw

 

Closure: Searching for A Sign This Painful Event Is Almost Over

sad girlA Wife’s Painful Question:

“What is/are the sign(s) of closure?

How is one supposed to know that there is closure in a past relationship?

I’m at a very confusing period of my life, I don’t know if there’s absolutely no chance of rekindling a relationship, or if there is?

I just need help/advice really. ~ Heartbroken Wife”

This question about broke my heart. I remember fishing for hope, grasping on any little proof that I might be on the road to recovery, secretly afraid the misery might never end.

For Heartbroken, and so many other wives who have traveled this cruel path, here is my take on how I finally emerged from the crippling pain and began to enjoy my life again.

bird2

Dear Heartbroken Wife, 

In my mind’s eye, I see my life as a book, with various chapters and a whole crowd of people coming and going. I’m the central character in the story of my life. My husband of 20 something years was a major character, and his importance to my story was immense. So when he developed a drug addiction, cheated on me, made me feel old and no longer worth anything anymore, I found myself in an ocean of pain, being slammed against by every fear a wife could have. But love dies slowly, and I found myself torn about what my story would be without him. I wanted him in it, and somewhere in my mind, a tally had begun. The weight of the value of a marriage that I loved versus the weight of each terrible thing said or done, and the wounds that they left behind in my heart and soul. 

For a solid year I begged, cried, yelled, wrote texts, emails, letters, reasoned with him, provokedbroken windows him….I did everything in my power to save a marriage that I cherished.  The lies, disappointments, betrayals were stacking up, and the value of the marriage was diminishing. Not quickly, but steadily all the same.

At some point, though, I started to get used to my new life, and instead of feeling alone, broken heart birdsbetrayed, abandoned, discarded, feelings of pleasure started leaking in. My ex has always been fundamentally selfish, a major extrovert who needs an audience at all times. I’m exactly the opposite, and most of marriage I found myself the  unwilling audience for him while he watched movies that I hated (horror, bloody and disgusting) reality shows (Cops, Kennedy Documentaries) which I hated, and a whole bunch of other activities I felt I had no real choice in the matter. Not if I wanted some peace. 

Tcropped-broken-heart-pieces.jpghat was the area of my life where I started to notice that some of this new path wasn’t all bad. I liked having the whole bed to myself, or taking a bath without someone shouting unimportant questions through the door, oblivious to anyone’s needs and desires save his own. I liked cooking the kinds of stuff I like to eat, and my days off work were completely mine to do as I pleased. Mostly, though, I liked the quiet of my new life. I had not realized how thirsty I had been all this time for peace and quiet. Everything about our marriage just always felt so …loud. 

 As I found more enjoyment in things I chose for myself, the less I cared what he was doing, or saying, or sleeping with. The scales had finally tipped against the marriage, and before I knew it, there was no comparison between what I made me happy now and what made me happy when we were married.

I stopped answering every phone call or text. It no longer seemed so important that hesadness understand the agony he had caused for me. A knock on my apartment door, once the highlight of my miserable existence, now brought an opposite reaction. Instead of trying to force my shattered soul into some semblance of forgiveness, I found myself actually feeling it instead. Where anger and rage had ruled for a year of my life, indifference had taken up residence.

When my ex faded into the background of my life, that is when I knew I had achieved something I honestly felt I could never do — I closed the chapter of my life that told the story of my marriage. From the day I met him, how he became my greatest love, all the way to how is fell apart so tragically, and the grief that tore me to shreds. A story about how neither of us will ever be the same again because of each other. 

For me, the signs of closure were these:

  • When you no longer feel a powerful emotion about the person or event that hurt you so much – love, hate, bitterness, etc. The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.
  • When you look back and upon the mental comparison, you find that you’d rather stay in the life you’re in now than to go back to the life that you once mourned. 
  • When you find yourself able to revisit the memories of the good times without the pain boomeranging into your stomach the very next minute. 
  • When you find yourself looking forward to the rest of your life, with a little more curiosity, a little more confidence, and a little more wisdom. 
  • When fear no longer paralyzes you, for you have learned the hard way, fears have more power hiding in our minds than when we are actually face to face with them. 
  • And lastly, when I realized one day that my opinion of myself was more valuable to me than his opinion of me, was. 

If I made it through, anyone can. I pray for peace and comfort for you, Heartbroken. It does eventually stop hurting so much. Just take things minute to minute, step to step. You’re stronger than you think you are. We all are. 

~ Bird

bird