Wisdom to Combat the Moving-Forward-And-Leaving- the-Past-Behind Blues

35015Rebekkah and I were driving from Red Rock to Austin the other day. It is about an hour drive, and we were conversing about some research she had heard about. She said anthropologists noted that whenever they arrived in the place where they would immerse themselves in a new culture, surrounding themselves with new people, new customs, new smells, new tastes…everything unfamiliar, they would experience a deep depression. But, she remarked, they also said that this black feeling would go away on average, about two weeks into the experience.

Texas isn’t a new place for me, but it has been over a decade since I cs-lewis-quote-better-things-550x320lived here for real. Last year, I was here two months, but Dad was really sick, and the wounds from losing my husband were still tender. This time, I blew up my bridges in Oklahoma. I did this on purpose. I learned a lot from my nomadic childhood, and leaving foundations in places that are, as a whole, not good for you, will leave you open to the temptation to return again and rebuild. It isn’t really necessary to go into detail why Tulsa is bad for both my kids and me. Suffice it to say, we simply should not go back and try again. But, I did not blow up bridges to people I love who were only good to me. Tulsa as a whole, is not where I should be. But I will carry a piece of her with me forever, in the shapes and memories of people who I love.

download (2)I left behind people that I will miss terribly. The Lord gave me Janice and Larry, who both taught me to stay calm, and not be so extreme all the time. Holly taught me what it looks like to walk and not faint, and walk and walk and walk, and still, not faint. Sonya and Kendra, some of my very favorite people, gave me Oliver. ‘Nuff said, right?

Stephanie made me feel like there were other eccentric souls just like me, and I 14feae356bda6cfe978afc0e40e434a3don’t have to feel alone so much. (I have every intention of using all my persuasive skills to lure her to live here in Texas among other weirdos like us!) I left behind Rob and his sweet little girls and some of my other Red & Gold friends, and my very best Oklahoma friend ever, Kim. I will miss you most of all, Kim-alicious!!

24772This move cost me something, as they all do. But most of all, I left behind Chef. I cried like the first day I realized my marriage was lost to me forever, and then I wiped away the tears, put the car in drive, and left that sadness behind with the rest of the broken hopes and dreams born, burned, and buried in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Chef is truly on his journey with the Lord alone now. No more interference from me.

Unlike a whole unfamiliar culture, Texas reminds me daily of its own c-s-lewis-quoteunchanging personality, and in a way, it welcomes me back. I recognize the smells of wildflowers and mesquite trees. I can pick out the cicadas’ songs from the choir of other nocturnal insects that sing at night. The heat is different here, and every single allergy I’ve had in Oklahoma has instantly disappeared. I was born and bred here, and my immune system is delighted.

download (2)My Oklahoma dogs, despite their rocket scientist rat poison incident, run and play like I have never seen them frolic.  They don’t know why, but they are positive they deserve this slice of heaven as a reward of some kind.

It’s been less than a week, and I’m finally emerging from the fog of a new life thatQuotes-C-S-Lewis-the-golden-trio-char-jezzi-and-anj-32352771-528-199 looks so different than any I’ve had before. This time, I’m not a freshly separated woman, wounded and still bleeding. I’m just another girl, moving to Texas to be near a family I love. The future looks hopeful, though unfocused. I’ve learned throughout my life, just because I can’t imagine what something is going to feel like, it doesn’t mean I won’t like the way it feels. I am relaxed. I am cheerful. I am hopeful. And I am excited.

17abc9dd53eb1a7f5a6a8d56132c2b18Whenever I find myself down, I like to drag out C.S. Lewis’ books, and peruse through his unearthly wisdom about being a foreigner longing for home. I thought tonight, EHAS would share a little of his timeless quotes. We are all trying to walk and not faint these days, wouldn’t you say?

I hope you have a new forest of dreams growing in your lives! Life shouldn’t be full of droughts! Yes. Sometimes, fires of life can wipe out acres and acres of hopes and dreams; but, don’t grieve too long for what once grew in your heart, and is no more. Instead, delight yourself in the new life that will begin to grow there. There is a time to weep; but remember, there is time to laugh again too.

~ Bird

download (1) l_07a9c930-5d9b-11e1-85d6-950300600002 18c6326b9228e34bc10dca933c81b7e4 11040399_10153126784909053_4756062943775278211_o cslewis-son-of-god-550x320 Sparrow in a Barrell download (1) Quotation-C-S-Lewis-anger-man-Meetville-Quotes-90839

The Man With A Plan

moneyThis is a story my dad told me last week, and it made me laugh. Especially since it is a true story.

Back when my dad was a young man, he worked at an agricultural supply store in Austin, Texas. 

One day, a well-dressed middle-aged man came into the store. In a somewhat arrogant manner, he asked my dad to fetch the owner of the establishment. Dad did so immediately. The owner quickly emerged from his office in the back and hurried to see what this was all about. 

As he walked up, the man introduced himself, and they shook hands. Then, they got straight down to business. In an authoritative tone, he told the owner that he was going into business for himself, and was going to need a lot of supplies…. I mean, a lot! .. and he preferred to deal only with the owner for such a large purchase. The owner assured the customer he would handle the entire sale personally, shooing away his young, hovering employees and grabbing a notepad.

He’d handle this sale himself. 

The man then began to outline his business plan. The owner, sensing this could potentially be his biggest sale ever, walked about the store, listening to the entrepreneur’s plans for his new business and the specific things he would need to purchase to get it started. For a couple of hours, he attentively took careful notes and made suggestions about this product versus that. Between the two of them, they came up with quite an impressive list of things that the man was going to buy for this new business. 

Now, the man was keen on getting everything he needed from one place, but some of the supplies were things that the owner normally did not carry. However, he assured the visionary, he would be happy to order them. Once everything on the list was there, the purchase would take place….If the price was reasonable. The owner, almost gushing with appreciation for having been chosen by this visionary, promised him he would be able to beat the price of anyone else in town. 

Without missing a beat, the owner offered to put together a proposal outlining the costs. Back then, computers were a thing of science fiction novels, so any research would have to be done with catalogs, rotary-dialed phone calls, the yellow pages, good old-fashioned haggling, and of course, the trusty calculator. The owner knew this was going to be a lot of work, but for a sale like this, it would be worth it. 

Armed with his list, the owner promised the entrepreneur he would research the costs, and have a reasonably priced proposal for him by the following Monday. Excited, the owner got right to work the minute the entrepreneur left the store.

He outlined his store’s costs, and then called different suppliers about the costs of supplies he didn’t carry, along with delivery options and those costs. He haggled, strong-armed, or begged different vendors he had always used, wheeling and dealing for the best prices he could get. He called in favors, and promised his own.

Finally he wrapped up the entire exercise by meticulously typing a professional, detailed proposal for the wealthy entrepreneur with two fingers on a manual typewriter. By the time he’d done, his wife was threatening to divorce him, his kids had run away from home, and his dog had taken to hiding under the house when he was at home. But it was done, and it was perfect.

That next Monday, the entrepreneur returned to see the store owner’s proposal. Barely able to breathe with nervousness, the owner handed him the product of so many hours of phone calls, calculations, and two-fingered typing on a manual typewriter. His hands were shaking as he handed it over. 

Dignified and somber, the entrepreneur accepted the proposal. For what seemed an enternity, he said nothing, only flipping through neatly typed pages of detailed information. His face gave away nothing. 

“Looks good,” he said, finally looking up at the hopeful owner.”I believe we have a deal, sir.”

The owner was barely able to contain his excitement as they shook hands. He wanted to dance around like an idiot! This was a huge, huge sale and completely worth all that work! With this kind of money, he could easily bribe his family into loving him again!

“Now,” said the entreprenuer, serious-faced, his tone one of a man getting down to business.

“I will have to pay you in shetland ponies. So, how many shetland ponies do you think all this will cost?”

Turns out, the guy had escaped the mental institution up the road. 

~ Bird

PS: Dad. I LOVE THIS ONE!! Makes me laugh every single time I hear it!