The Stuff Happiness Shields Are Made Of

good_evil_wrestle_9844I don’t know about other people, but I find it is always easier to write a post about negative things going on in my life than positive ones. It isn’t that I don’t have a balance going on with both. I normally do. Maybe I don’t really write too much of the positive stuff because I assume the reader will find it boring, or even worse, weird. I get an extraordinary amount of enjoyment from experiences other people would consider just plain strange.

The downside of writing only about the stuff that bums you out though, is you paint a picture of yourself as a depressed, bleak, and generally whiny individual. I am not happy playing the part of the martyr or the victim, and not just because no one invites those kinds of people to their parties. It’s just not an accurate picture of me. I do have my share of cool stuff going on too.

I haven’t had any real mind-blowing positive stuff to write about recently, but after carefully weighing the pros and cons, I’ve decided I’d rather bore you with some boring-to-everyone-but-me positives than to risk being overlooked when you’re sending out party invitations.

So, here’s some of the boring, yet mostly good stuff, that’s been going on around in my world.

  • Sophie, our assumed barren cat of almost 2 years, had 6 kittens. Our other cat, Piper, who we had reason to believe was born barren as well, Black and White Boy 1aalso had some babies —  two of the ugliest kittens I’ve ever seen. So, instead of just having one dog, Sparrow, recent mother of 8, to get fixed, I now have two cats, long barren, who need to be spade as well. What the hell? It’s like we moved to some Magical Sterility Hill. I’m glad I am not getting lucky myself these days. Who knows how deep this rabbit hole goes?!
  • We found homes for all 8 of Sparrow’s puppies, 5 of Sophie’s 6 kittens, and one person’s promise to return for one of Piper’s hideous spawn. We will be getting Sparrow fixed asap. The whole puppy experience has lost its charm.
  • I will admit, Sophie’s kittens were kind of fun. If Piper’s kittens hadn’t been so unnerving and kind of scary looking, I might not have been in such a rush to make sure no more miraculous cat births take place. Yikes.
  • Chef came into a nice little amount of money recently, and he was really generous about helping me out with some of it. He not only helped meChef-1-12 out by buying my car insurance for a whole year, but he got me AAA as well. He bought me a photographer’s camera, clothes, and a ton of other little things I no longer take for granted anymore. It was an unexpected kindness from a least expected source, and I can’t really say thank you to him enough. Thanks, Chef!!
  • I paid my ticket during Tulsa’s Amnesty Warrant round-up, and Rebekkah did as well. Now, once I scrape together the money to reinstate my license, renew my expired tags on both the car and the truck, and avoid being pulled over by the cops while doing so, I’ll be almost normal again. Normal is freaking expensive.
  • With all the Bandido stuff in the news, there has been a mad rush for news media to cover all the different angles about outlaw biker clubs.Bird (4 of 1)-40 The Huffington Post found an old article I had written about being a girl in that culture, and they printed it. So, hey! I’m bonafide!
  • My son Dj, who very nearly died while in Missouri’s custody, spent the majority of his incarceration in ICU fighting pneumonia and some kind of infection in his blood. No one bothered to tell me he was in the hospital on life support because, as I was told afterwards “he wasn’t allowed to have visitors in the hospital when in custody”. I know one jail that is mighty lucky my son didn’t die on their watch, because this mom would have wreaked all kinds of havoc on them for not telling me he was near death, not to mention whatever they had done to make him that sick in the first place. He was healthier than usual when you took him in, and he was almost dead 2 weeks later. Hmm.  The upside is, he was also an expensive inmate. He racked up such a high Dj and His Dadbill in the hospital that the jail couldn’t wait to be rid of him, and he is now awaiting his transfer back home to Oklahoma while staying with his biological father in Missouri.

So, there’s my boring, though positive, list of happenings lately.

Happy Memorial Day!!

~ Bird

How An Outlaw Motorcycle Club Taught Me Honor

Chef told me back a few months ago when I started my little blogging adventure that I was bound to offend someone,

Honor is the defining trait I find among the men and women of this club.

and guess what?! Now I have.

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been honored and humbled by an outpouring of personal emails that people have sent me asking for advice or saying how much a piece I wrote helped them. They always leave me in tears, plus it makes me feel useful in God’s kingdom when I can comfort someone and help them in a difficult time.

And now I’ve been scolded. For what, you may ask? I’m still trying to figure that out. This person doesn’t seem to be one of my followers, and it seems to be a dummy account because you can’t respond to it. Tsk, tsk. But, I’m not even going to use the name you used or publish the email. It really isn’t important to me to embarrass you, and in my opinion, you not even letting me respond via email back to you should embarrass you enough anyways.

Now, I’ve made it pretty clear that you shouldn’t fire off verbal grenades and not have the fortitude to identify yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a different opinion than someone else. But when you hide, you are invalidating said opinion, and I don’t know about other people, but I can’t respect that. So, since I know you read my site, I’ll share something with you and hopefully this will put the matter to rest.

The outlaw motorcycle club seems to be a concern in this person’s thoughts. Let me tell you exactly what I think about my husband being in an outlaw motorcycle club.

Many, many years ago, before Chef was involved with this club, he was actually part of what is called a Mom and Pop club. This is mainly a riding club where motorcycle enthusiasts join up each week and ride together to different locations. It is a lot of fun, and is a good way to get to know each other. And for the most part, this group of people were just wonderful. This is the club we belonged to when I was involved in the motorcycle accident, and they were there for my whole family when we needed help. I have nothing negative to say about them.

After the accident though, mainly because of the accident, at least in my mind, I wanted some distance from the reminders, and that kind of killed the joy for me in the club. And with that death came Chef’s, because if the wife ain’t happy, neither is the husband. There was some disagreement, and the club split in half, and our half took to creating a new club.

Now, without getting in specifics, I will say that the one thing that was lacking in this “new” club was honor. Men were hitting on me behind my husband’s back, and it caused a real stir in my marriage. One thing that you have to understand about motorcycle clubs, or any clubs for that matter, is that trust has to be a central point.

It didn’t take long for that “new” club to completely implode, and poor Chef, who desires the camaraderie he once experienced in the military, was left without that important part of his life. And along came The Motorcycle Club. I’m a big one on first impressions, but I’ve learned over the course of many years that I need to gather more information before deciding yay or nay on something, and so I sat back, running my little bar, and watching these men and their women who came calling on Chef. And after some very kind and open conversations with one — Yes, that’s you Brooks– I decided that I kind of liked the structure of their honor system. I’d been told we women should never ask them questions, and in one fell swoop, Brooks invalidated that theory and let me ask the questions that I’m sure others would be offended by, and then he gently answered every single one of them honestly and openly. I’ve had less experience with honesty with pastors than I did with him. Thank you, Brooks!! Turns out, they have more honor than most Christian churches I’ve been in.

Now, let me be clear. Unless you’ve held in your arms a girl who has had her innocence stolen by an adult just so that he can get some sexual gratification, you don’t get to have an opinion about how we perceive the world. The minute that happens to a little girl…and I imagine it is even worse for a little boy…the world suddenly becomes dark, dangerous, perverted, evil. And with that perception comes an innate distrust for people…You tend to assume that everyone is selfish and that you will be annihilated if you are vulnerable. Compounded with that hurt, is having a pastor that your respect, even if you never really liked, tell you that your rape was your own fault. There is nothing you are going to tell me about only looking to Christians for the answers. I’ve learned a ton from non-Christians.

I’d read books on biker culture, scoped the internet, watched television…I definitely had a preconceived notion about who these people were and what they were about.

Then, I got to see up close and personal just how protective these people were with their young, and anyone else’s children as well. I laugh because for all the jokes about them being dumb, I find this lot of people pretty damn smart. And I watched a convicted child molester try to join. Guess what? He didn’t get very far. They have this uncanny ability to sniff out the people who hurt the innocent, and he was sent packing. I’ve watched serial adulterers join, thinking the women would be easier to lay, and those guys are gone too. I’ve watched liars join, and be escorted away from the family. In fact, I have to say that I know a ton of bikers that are professed Christians on varying levels of their walks with God. So much for judging books by their covers.

I also have watched over the years this code they live by. No lying. If you get caught lying, you’re on your way out. No stealing from a brother…You steal, you’re out. Need some help..they are givers, even if it is just their talents they have to give. My home is nice, neat, and well-maintained because of this family we are in. In turn, I take a lot of wedding pictures and Chef cooks a lot food to help out this family. No cheating with other brother’s wives…You get caught, it isn’t allowed and you won’t be staying in the family. And child molesters….just move out of town now. They don’t condone it and will handle their business. In other words, this motorcycle club taught me the meaning of honor and holding themselves to a higher standard than some Christians I know. So, please. Spare me. Unless you are in it, don’t preach to me about who I should be hanging around with. I am not gifted at leading Christians to the Lord, they are already there…. What do they need me for? I will say that I feel safer surrounded by these men in colors than I do sitting in a pew at church. And for those of you who are childhood sexual abuse survivors, you know just how hard it is to make us feel perfectly safe surrounded by people. Am I right?

I am not going to apologize to you or anyone else for being completely honest about the things that I struggle with, or the people who I have a loyalty to. This club had never done a single thing to me that they should apologize for. Are they perfect? No! But they are humans, and they deal with the same failings that Christians in the church pews deal with. Difference is, from what I can tell, they’re more honest about it to themselves and others.  I find that sharing what sins I struggle with makes me human, and it doesn’t give this image that once you are saved everything is Noodle Salad and Church Picnics. Life is hard, and it remains hard. The difference is that I feel like I have a purpose. I have a healing direction, and I have an empathy to help others head down the same healing path. I usually feel like I’m in big trouble when I die, because I do make a lot of stupid mistakes even though I know better. But, for whatever reason, God always deals really mercifully with me, and in turn, I intend to do that right back to my fellow human beings, Christian, motorcycle bikers, strippers, prostitutes, drug fiends, whatever. I love them all. I’m a firm believer and preacher of grace…Without it, you wouldn’t be getting in either!! I will continue to try to become more like Jesus, but let’s be real….I’m never going to resemble Him much…He was too perfect and very much God Reincarnated…

Hope this sets things straight. You don’t have to agree with me, and maybe I’m wrong. I don’t think so, but what do I really know anyways? And seriously, stop sending dummy stuff…that is just too weak! I have mad respect for the atheists and agnostics that disagree with me on my site (respectfully) than I do someone who shoots off fiery arrows and then hides in the trees….Seriously???? For all of you, my email is cathiemartin68@hotmail.com. I’m standing behind my opinions and beliefs.

Ok, I’ll get off my soapbox for now. 🙂

–Bird