Sons of Pride

jobI have family members and friends who are staunchly atheistic or agnostic. This only bothers me in that they might not make it to where I am going after this life. Other than that, they are, of course, entitled to what they believe. One thing I’ve noticed though, is the strange assumption that God owes them some kind of explanation should He turn out to be real. Of course, they will never get this opportunity to criticize Him.  He doesn’t explain Himself to His creation. Every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess, Jesus is Lord. And it won’t be on our terms. It will be on His.

Nothing really paints a better picture of the difference between a Creator and a creation than Job. Here are some questions a creation should always ask before challenging God.

It is a no-win argument He will never have with any of us. 

  1. Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?7593fd186eea76aca30b29b7ebdc7080
  2. Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
  3. Who set its measurements?
  4. Who stretched the line on it?
  5. On what were its bases sunk?
  6. Who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and the sons of God shouted for joy?
  7. Who enclosed the sea with doors when, bursting fort, it went out from the womb?
  8. Have you ever in your life commanded the morning, ad caused the dawn to know its place?
  9. Have you entered into the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep darkness?
  10. Have you understood the expanse of the earth?
  11. Where is the way to the dwelling of light?
  12. And darkness, where is its place?
  13. Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or have you seen the storehouses of the hail, which I have reserved for the time of distress, for the day of war and battle?
  14. Where is the way that the light is divided, or the east wind scattered on the earth?
  15. Who has cleft a channel for the flood, or a way for the thunderbolt, to bring rain on a land without people, on a desert without a man in it?
  16. Has the rain a father?
  17. Who has begotten the drops of dew?
  18. From whose womb has come the ice? And the frost of heaven, who has given it birth?
  19. Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades, or loose the cords of Orion?
  20. Can you lead forth a constellation in its season, and guide the Bear with her leviathan (1)satellites?
  21. Do you know the ordinances of the heavens, or fix their rule over the earth?
  22. Can you lift up your voice to the clouds, so that an abundance of water will cover you?
  23. Can you send forth lightning’s that they may go and say to you, “here we are?”
  24. Who has put wisdom in the innermost being or given understanding to the mind?
  25. Who can count the clouds by wisdom, or tip the water jars of the heavens, when the dust hardens into a mass and the clods stick together?
  26. Can you hunt the prey for the lion, or satisfy the appetite of the young lions, when they crouch in their dens and lie in wait in their lair?
  27. Who prepares for the raven its nourishment, when its young cry to God and wander about without food?
  28. Do you know the time the mountain goats give birth?
  29. Do you observe the calving of the deer?
  30. Can you count the months the fulfill, or do you know the time they give birth?
  31. Who sent out the wild donkey free? Who loosed the bonds of the swift donkey?
  32. Will the ox consent to serve you?
  33. Can you bind the wild ox in a furrow with ropes, or will he harrow the valleys after you?
  34. Will you trust him because his strength is great and leave your labor to him?
  35. Will you have faith in him that he will return your grain and gather it from your threshing floor?
  36. Do you give the horse his might? Do you clothe his neck with a mane? Do you make him leap like the locust?
  37. Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars, stretching his wings to the south?
  38. Is it by your command that the eagle mounts up and makes his nest high?
  39. Will the faultfinder contend with the Almighty? Let him who reproves God answer it.
  40. Will you really annul My judgement?
  41. Will you condemn e that you may be justified?
  42. Do you have an arm like God, can you thunder with a voice like His?
  43. Can anyone capture the Behemoth, which I made as well as you?
  44. Can you draw out Leviathan with a fishhook?
  45. Can you press down his tongue with cord?
  46. Can you put a rope in his nose, or pierce his jaw with a hook?Leviathan
  47. Will he make many supplications to you, or will he speak to you soft words?
  48. Will he make a covenant with you?
  49. Will you take him as a servant for you forever?
  50. Will you play with him as a bird?
  51. Will you bind him for your maidens?
  52. Will traders bargain for him?
  53. Will they divide him among the merchants?
  54. Can you fill his skin with harpoons, or his head with fishing spears?
  55. Who is he who can stand before Me?
  56. Who has given to Me that I should repay him?

Some of us were created for destruction, and I understand this. But it cross_summit_cross_christianity_218516grieves me that any of them should be people I love.

~ Bird

Comfortably Numb or Just Plain Selfish? I Guess I Don’t Really Care Either Way

broken heart birdsA week or so ago, I was commenting to my daughter about how short-lived true, unadulterated peace lasts, in my life at least. It isn’t that I don’t actually feel pretty peaceful about life in general normally. I do. But on those rare occasions, I literally have no big problems weighing on me, and that’s the time I’m talking about with Rebekkah. For a time there, I was making enough money to pay ALL of my bills, had a home I love, dogs were happy and healthy, a great friend, a legal driver’s license, love my job, etc. All of this is still true, but Friday, the newest fly came to land in my peace-soaked ointment. Actually, it is a fly that visits my ointments pretty regularly.

Chef called.funny-girl-crying-breakup

I don’t know if it holds true for other ex-wives, but for me, Chef often presents a problem. He is always right on the cusp of something really bad, and my nature is to be a fixer. Even when he was living with the other women, using drugs, and being a complete a$$hole, I would still bail him out of things, give him money, and generally put aside what he was doing to me, to do something good for him.

funny-card-quote-adele-breakupDon’t bother deciding I’m a good person, either. There are a lot of selfish reasons a person can have when they are busy traveling the High Road. For several reasons, I liked that he wasn’t doing all that well without me, or that his girlfriends were turning out to be more of a problem for him than a solution. I felt vindicated every time they would fight about me, which knowing my ex, was a lot of the time. He did the same unfavorable comparisons between me at his exes before me. He only stopped when I stopped being bothered by it.

In 2012, I lived for every phone call, text, or knock on the door from Chef. break-up-quotes_103948386_5In 2013, I both longed for as well as dreaded his efforts to reach out. In 2014, he was more of a frustration dotted with just a hint of feelings of responsibility towards him. I would have to say, though, that 2015 has been all about putting an end to that chapter. Over the course of this year, I’ve teared up a few times over what he once was and what we’ve lost, but I haven’t wept at all this year over Chef. The reason? I’ve moved on.

This time, the impending disasters in his life are pretty much the same ones they always are. Chef’s life, it would seem, has taken a harsh turn for the worse…again. Illness. Homelessness. Loneliness. Regret.

1392460441746815As is our sick custom, he did what he always does. He called me with frightening news about his health, and worked in the other sad circumstances he’s now facing. But, instead of the normal reactions I have tended to have these last few years, I felt…well, almost nothing. To quote Pink Floyd, I felt comfortably numb.

357728-28321-8I seriously am not sure how I feel about this new, almost callous approach to that part of my life. On the one hand, I feel just as peaceful today as I did before he called me Friday. On the other, I am wondering if I’ve officially become a cold b***h. I hope not. I really want Chef to be happy. I don’t want him homeless, or sick, or lonely. The difference is, I just don’t want to be the one to have to make that happen for him. I don’t want to be his home, or take care of him if he is sick, or talk to him so he won’t be lonely. And that makes me feel selfish. Who knows? Maybe I am now.

I only know that when that chapter was closed, it was firmly so. I’m not going backwards. Not anymore. I believe the fly might have actually drowned in the ointment this time. The long road to letting go has been traveled, and no amount of history or memories can bring that path back again.

~ Bird