Why Drug Dealers Don’t Accept Checks

nsf_background(1)I don’t really write about it much but my father has been in trouble with the law a few times in his life. Now, for me, that means just about nothing whatsoever. I find people who have a good story to tell so much more interesting than those who have the same kind of status-quo life. But I don’t want him held up to people’s judgments so I keep his mistakes private. However, I got permission for this one. It made me laugh my butt off. Thanks, Dad!!

Dad: “One of the times I got arrested, the judge made me take all these different kinds of classes, and one of them — the stress management one, I think – was filled with about a dozen elderly women and me and this one other guy who also had a drug charge. So, we had to each tell the group what we had done to get arrested. The first woman stands up and says “I wrote a $7 check to Walmart that bounced.” Then the next one, ” I wrote a bad check for $9 to Target.” Then the third. Same thing. Wrote a bad check for a small amount of money.Turns out, all the women in the group were all in trouble for writing bad checks. When it got to me, I said, ‘I got caught with 6 ounces of methamphetamine.’ The entire group of women gasped in unison. Completely horrified by my crime. ‘Don’t worry though,’ I told them. ‘I didn’t write a check for it.'”

God. I really love my dad. 🙂

~ Bird

Domino Night with Dad

11884726_10153173598519053_9108311509952665757_oMy Dad is a riot. He had his butt handed to him playing Mexican Dominoes tonight. He was in rare form, to say the least.

Here are some of his best lines of the night.

  1. Oh, well. As my sweet granny used to say, “Fuck it”.
  2. I would have taken a birth control pill if I knew what a s******g I was going to get tonight.
  3. I hope I gave you sickle cell anemia. (to me)
  4. I think you are all cheating. Let’s pick up Rebekkah and shake her. I’ll bet dominoes fall out.
  5. Get Caitlyn & Chloe on the phone. I’ll have you know, Rebekkah, I have other granddaughters.
  6. Cheaters always win… That’s the whole point, Catherine!

God, I love him!!

~ Bird