The Women’s March – A Different Perspective

Dad's mother and his best Father's Day gift ever, me.
Dad’s mother and his best Father’s Day gift ever, me.
There’s a lot of debate going on about The Women’s March, which has, to some degree, fueled the very harsh reactions to Donald Trump’s presidency. There’s the assumption that only Hillary Clinton supporters, or pro-choice people were lining those streets. That’s actually not true.

There’s one letter in particular circulating where a woman named Christy says, among other stuff,  that this march wasn’t hers because she is anti-abortion, and if all women made good decisions in their lives, like she did, they wouldn’t need this extreme form of birth control. Yikes.

After my last rant, I prayed that God would remind me how to write womens-marchcorrectly, and not fly off the handle like a ranting lunatic. Wisdom from above is always gentle and encourages peace between us, and clearly, I wasn’t being gentle or peaceful when I wrote those posts, and for that, I apologize. I’m going to strive to do better this time, even though again, this subject is one that hits close to home.

Dad, stop reading here. Seriously.

sad girlIn a recent study, it was found that one in three women are sexually molested by the time they reach adulthood. This is a conservative number because a lot of these kinds of victims don’t tell anyone. Often, the perpetrator is a close family member or friend of the family, and that kind of secret can threaten all kinds of things in a child’s life. I am that one in three. My stepfather molested me for years. I wrote about the experience here.

If you’ve never experienced this, it is hard for me to describe just how pervasive the wreckage in your life can be. It affects your self-esteem, your body images, your confidence in yourself, your understanding of the opposite sex, your understanding of what love should look like…literally everything about your life can be influenced by something like this.

For me, it made me hyper aware of everything, especially of men’s motivations. It takes me a long bird2time to trust any man, and I always have this little doubt resting in the back of my mind about their true motivations for wanting to be with me. It made me less self-confident, which in turn, made me doubt that I could make it in college, and thus, I dropped out. It made me feel like I wasn’t pretty, no matter what I was told, and if a man said I was pretty, I instantly assume he is telling me that because he just wants to have sex. I live in fear of being considered a plaything for men to use and toss away. I don’t demand equal pay for equal work most of the time at my jobs, because deep down, the experience taught me, although erroneously, that I’m not as valuable as a man.

I’ve struggled my whole life to make what I know about myself with my mind match correctly with what I feel about myself with my heart. I’m still struggling to this day.

Why do I bring any of this up?

I never got an abortion, birth controls pills don’t work on me, and I can count on both hands how many times I’ve ever gone to have any kind of checkup in my life. I’m locked in poverty. You would think this isn’t my fight either, right? Wrong.

cropped-pixect-20130316152300.jpgI can’t tell you how happy my heart was to see so many women walking together. I’m not pro-choice/pro-life in such black and white lines, but I do understand how hard it is to be a woman, locked into some things in your life that you didn’t “just bring on yourself with your own bad decisions”, constantly judged and found wanting, looking around at everyone else around them and wondering, what the hell is wrong with me that I’m finding this life so hard to live? I feel so alone all the time.

I can’t march in crowds of people because I’m afraid to be around a lot of people (hypervigilance from PTSD from being molested so long), so I’m glad they marched for me. I am locked in a struggle to believe my voice should be heard, so I applaud others who can be that voice for me. I pray earnestly daily to help me push back the fears that keep me locked in poverty, self-hate, and hopelessness. I appreciate others acknowledging this kind of struggle.

What is a life worth if it is lived without empathy? Maybe every concern or birdcause doesn’t pertain to your own life, and for that, we should all be thankful; but it does mean something to someone else. If we lose the ability to stop for a moment and wonder what could make a person do something we so disagree with, but instead close up ourselves from any dissenting voices that do not tickle our own ears, where will that leave the Christian mission to bring people to Christ? He didn’t tell us, go out there and just gather the Republicans, or the Democrats, or the Pro-Lifers, or any other specific group. He told us to love one another, not broadcast salvation assumptions of people who disagree with you on Facebook. He did not tell us to call each other out. I too have been so guilty of this. I was wrong. I’m sorry. Jesus has the right to pass judgement; anyone else doing it is wrong.

I can see easily how much more of a ruin my life would have been had the Lord not reached down and guided me from so much darkness. Even now, when I still grapple with the long-term effects of being molested, my joy always comes from the knowledge that one day, I will stand before the Lord, away from all these fears, this broken and evil flesh, and psychological wounds, and I hope to hear Him say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” That is what is most important to me. I believe He allowed me to experience this horrific thing that has affected my whole life so tremendously so that I would be able to offer up hope to someone else who needs it. I praise Him for His wisdom.

Bird's Patched Up Heart These Days...
Bird’s Patched Up Heart These Days…
Maybe this wasn’t YOUR march, and maybe you don’t agree with some of the reasons other people did find it their march. I only ask, did you stop and try to empathize before you plastered your derision and judgments about everyone else who disagree with you, first? It is time for us to remember to think first, type second, especially if you are professing to be a Christian. Don’t forget, our mission is a heavenly one.

~ Bird

 

Ruthful Thoughts about Life & Jeffrey Dean Morgan

rs_1024x759-151005124758-1024-jeffrey-dean-morgan-the-good-wife-ch-100515It feels weird to write a post when I have nothing useful to share, but like I said before, I need to get better at writing when I don’t have something sad to write about. So here goes. Prepare yourself for something stupid.

Not much is going on in my little world right now, which has freed me up to notice a few things. The other maxresdefaultnight, I woke up in the wee morning hours with a bout of insomnia. What was keeping me awake, you ask? The word “ruthless”. Where did that word come from? Can you be “ruthful”? Full of ruth? Was there some wonderful Ruth who launched “ruthless” as being exactly opposite of her?

ie: Jane wasn’t ruthless; instead, she was full of ruth. She was ruthful.

I know. Don’t judge me.

"Shoot" -- Diane, Cary and Lucca defend the grieving father of a shooting victim (Blair Underwood) in a defamation suit over a billboard he put up describing a gun store owner as a murderer. Also, a romantic rendezvous between Alicia and Jason is interrupted when Alicia learns that Grace is being accused of plagiarizing her college entrance essay, on THE GOOD WIFE, Sunday, March 20 (9:00-10:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.  Pictured (l-r)  Julianna Margulies as Alicia Florrick and Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Jason Crouse Photo: David M. Russell/CBS ©2016 CBS Broadcasting, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Alicia and Jason, getting it on in public. 

The other thing is The Good Wife and Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I watched the entire series. Seasons 1-6,  Alicia pseudo loves Will, but there was depth to the whole show. Then, the show introduces Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Alicia’s love interest/bad boy investigator. From then on, it’s about Alicia and Jason getting it on. My question is, is the entire world of women in lust for Jeffrey? I mean, whoa, buddy. I can’t even 100% hate his character on The Walking Dead, and this is sad because that character is evil. I mean, truly evil.

I’m so shallow!!

I set up an online dating profile this week, and I’m talking to a guy I met through it. We swapped out crazy-dog-ladyFacebook pages, and in looking at mine from an outsider’s perspective, I find that I give the impression I’m a crazy dog/cat person with no life. I have a life; I just don’t tend to share it much on Facebook. My collection of friends are diverse, and animal videos might be the only thing in the whole world that offends none of them.

I’m seriously going to have to fix that if I’m going to be graded on what kind of person I am by that social media!

Hope you guys have a great weekend!!

~Bird