Wisdom to Combat the Moving-Forward-And-Leaving- the-Past-Behind Blues

35015Rebekkah and I were driving from Red Rock to Austin the other day. It is about an hour drive, and we were conversing about some research she had heard about. She said anthropologists noted that whenever they arrived in the place where they would immerse themselves in a new culture, surrounding themselves with new people, new customs, new smells, new tastes…everything unfamiliar, they would experience a deep depression. But, she remarked, they also said that this black feeling would go away on average, about two weeks into the experience.

Texas isn’t a new place for me, but it has been over a decade since I cs-lewis-quote-better-things-550x320lived here for real. Last year, I was here two months, but Dad was really sick, and the wounds from losing my husband were still tender. This time, I blew up my bridges in Oklahoma. I did this on purpose. I learned a lot from my nomadic childhood, and leaving foundations in places that are, as a whole, not good for you, will leave you open to the temptation to return again and rebuild. It isn’t really necessary to go into detail why Tulsa is bad for both my kids and me. Suffice it to say, we simply should not go back and try again. But, I did not blow up bridges to people I love who were only good to me. Tulsa as a whole, is not where I should be. But I will carry a piece of her with me forever, in the shapes and memories of people who I love.

download (2)I left behind people that I will miss terribly. The Lord gave me Janice and Larry, who both taught me to stay calm, and not be so extreme all the time. Holly taught me what it looks like to walk and not faint, and walk and walk and walk, and still, not faint. Sonya and Kendra, some of my very favorite people, gave me Oliver. ‘Nuff said, right?

Stephanie made me feel like there were other eccentric souls just like me, and I 14feae356bda6cfe978afc0e40e434a3don’t have to feel alone so much. (I have every intention of using all my persuasive skills to lure her to live here in Texas among other weirdos like us!) I left behind Rob and his sweet little girls and some of my other Red & Gold friends, and my very best Oklahoma friend ever, Kim. I will miss you most of all, Kim-alicious!!

24772This move cost me something, as they all do. But most of all, I left behind Chef. I cried like the first day I realized my marriage was lost to me forever, and then I wiped away the tears, put the car in drive, and left that sadness behind with the rest of the broken hopes and dreams born, burned, and buried in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Chef is truly on his journey with the Lord alone now. No more interference from me.

Unlike a whole unfamiliar culture, Texas reminds me daily of its own c-s-lewis-quoteunchanging personality, and in a way, it welcomes me back. I recognize the smells of wildflowers and mesquite trees. I can pick out the cicadas’ songs from the choir of other nocturnal insects that sing at night. The heat is different here, and every single allergy I’ve had in Oklahoma has instantly disappeared. I was born and bred here, and my immune system is delighted.

download (2)My Oklahoma dogs, despite their rocket scientist rat poison incident, run and play like I have never seen them frolic.  They don’t know why, but they are positive they deserve this slice of heaven as a reward of some kind.

It’s been less than a week, and I’m finally emerging from the fog of a new life thatQuotes-C-S-Lewis-the-golden-trio-char-jezzi-and-anj-32352771-528-199 looks so different than any I’ve had before. This time, I’m not a freshly separated woman, wounded and still bleeding. I’m just another girl, moving to Texas to be near a family I love. The future looks hopeful, though unfocused. I’ve learned throughout my life, just because I can’t imagine what something is going to feel like, it doesn’t mean I won’t like the way it feels. I am relaxed. I am cheerful. I am hopeful. And I am excited.

17abc9dd53eb1a7f5a6a8d56132c2b18Whenever I find myself down, I like to drag out C.S. Lewis’ books, and peruse through his unearthly wisdom about being a foreigner longing for home. I thought tonight, EHAS would share a little of his timeless quotes. We are all trying to walk and not faint these days, wouldn’t you say?

I hope you have a new forest of dreams growing in your lives! Life shouldn’t be full of droughts! Yes. Sometimes, fires of life can wipe out acres and acres of hopes and dreams; but, don’t grieve too long for what once grew in your heart, and is no more. Instead, delight yourself in the new life that will begin to grow there. There is a time to weep; but remember, there is time to laugh again too.

~ Bird

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When It’s Good, It’s Really, Really Good

My Dad showed up Friday night at my door! I had absolutely no idea he was coming! It is amazing how only a few short months ago, the doctors were throwing words like “hospice” and “brain damage” around, and yet, here he is  not dying and with his brain in tact!! I guess we Mallicoat’s are just too hard to kill.

kids and dad

I have to admit…I am really enjoying having him around. I am experiencing a strange sensation of being taken care of, instead of being the one taking care of everyone else. Dad gave Dj and Rebekkah a truck, …a whole truck!!….completely paid off, road legal, and with insurance paid until November. He is insisting I eat, nagging me about smoking, and he even cooked for us. He even promised to take me to the zoo. I feel four all over again!

Man. I have really missed my Dad.

dad gives us a truck

We are walking around in a little daze here. No one has ever given us a whole truck before!!

I introduced Simon to Dad, and was relieved when they seemed to take to each other just fine. Dad told my first husband, Darren, that I could have done better than him, the first time they met. I had problems getting Darren to agree to spend any time with my family after that.

me and dad one

The next few weeks, Dad is going to instruct and over-see the kids building us a chicken coop. I am writing his stories down, which frankly, are hilarious and I am considering writing a book exclusively with those. I am looking around for a bed to put in my bedroom, and my sneaky plan is to set Dad up his own room, introduce him to my cool friends, and maybe even buy him a beautiful girlfriend…(just kidding…lighten up!), just so he’ll stay with me forever. I will let you know how that plays out.

I worked my first week as the marketing specialist at my new job, and I absolutely love it. Every single person there has been kind and helpful to me, and the atmosphere is fun and cooperative. It usually takes me time to relax around strangers, but I am already feeling less pensive about being the new girl. I am so grateful I got a job. I will be twice as joyful payday, when I get a paycheck for twice the amount  I was making at Moylan Staffing.

Life is looking pretty good at the moment!!

Caitie-Bug sent me a gorgeous antique watch for Mother’s Day. I’d post a picture, but I can’t get my cell phone to take good pictures, and my camera’s memory card is corrupted. Thank you, Bug!

Dj turned 24 this week. He was with my Dad in Texas, picking up the truck. He was treated like a king for the day, plus he got a truck… Best.Birthday.Ever.

I am currently working on a different post for today, but I wanted to first share my happiness with my blog friends. Despite the heavy themes I am writing about lately, I am actually quite joyful and optimistic over here these days.

Have a great day!

~ Bird