Postcard From Hell – IAmNotCrazyDammit

addiction 4This has been, sadly, a busy week for addicts around the world. My email has been blowing up with people dealing with a loved one on meth. I’m at work, but this poor person left a comment on here (below) and I feel like I should bring it to your attention. A ton of you helped me with your wisdom and advice, sharing your own story, and your prayers. Would you help this poor woman? I remember this pain. 😦

Iamnotcrazydammit: “I don’t know how I got to Satans Fav Drug blog, searching in desperation for someone ANYONE who knows where I am right now because I am so lost!! Then I turned to this story, blog whatever we call these – I got as far as my son DJ and haven’t been able to stop crying yet like WHOA HOLY HELL IS THIS MY FUTURE ME IVE FOUND!! I’m hurting so bad right now, even wanted to just NOT WAKE UP at times, I finally know what it’s like to be IN LOVE with someone and my life is so twisted, along with my head right now I’m about to loose everything and I don’t even care. There is no happy ending where we get to keep our husbands and live happily ever after is there? I’m in a very dark scary place and I just want so bad for him to MEAN WHAT HE SAYS AND SAY WHAT HE MEANS. How do you walk away? How do I make myself walk away from something I care for so much? This hurts.”

Me: “I’m so sorry. I can tell you are in excruciating pain. I wish desperately that I could tell you that it is going to all be okay soon, but the truth is, we have to walk right through the belly of the beast. I wish I weren’t at work right now. I can tell you need a shoulder to cry on. Don’t despair. You are not crazy; Yes, this hurts like a motherfucker; Yes, there’s lots of people who know EXACTLY what you are saying here, and EXACTLY how much this can devastate a person; Yes, it’s okay if you can’t walk away yet. I will definitely be talking to you after work. In the meantime, I’m going to post this on my blog, so the same people who helped me find my way can see there is someone else needing help.

It’s okay to be sad. Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?”

For those of you who sent me emails, I haven’t forgotten you. I will respond after work, okay?



Stuff A Chick Should Know About Hooking Up With 1%er Guys

tulsa-drags-april-2011-076_cropOf all the topics I write about on here, the one that tends to get more attention than I care for is biker clubs. It isn’t that the subject isn’t interesting. It is. It is just that I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. There are parts of being around that lifestyle I miss, and other parts I simply do not. I have loved more than one Bandido or his ole lady in my life. I’ve also despised a few of them as well.

So, when I get contacted about advice about club stuff, I get… nervous, I guess is the best way to describe it.

The people who contact me about club stuff are always women, and they are either trying to get in to the culture, or they are angryBird (4 of 1)-11 for being pushed out of it. There really doesn’t seem to be any other reason I get these personal communications. Here’s the thing. I really can’t help with either problem. I’m no longer involved with any Bandidos, so I can’t make introductions, even if I wanted to; but, despite the ups and downs, I also don’t hate them, so if you do, I still can’t help you. I won’t be joining into any bashing sessions either.

The topic is coming up a lot more since the Waco Shooting Incident. I guess it’s time to write a quick post that might help both sets of women who are either embarking on the life or leaving it.

If you’ve watched Sons of Anarchy, are gullible enough to believe most of that stuff, and you still feel like being in the one-percenter world is for you, here are a few things I have found to be true about the culture:

  1. These kinds of clubs are for men, not women. You have accept that. What you don’t have to accept is that you are expected to act in a certain way because the stereotypes of cropped-bird-4-of-1-4.jpgbiker chicks say so. For instance, you are a human being. Your body belongs to you. Don’t just be giving it away like it has no value. Though it can be a little tougher, you actually can quietly command more respect than is normally understood by outsiders(Citizens); but it all begins with respecting yourself.
  2. If you hook up with a patch holder, then break up and hook up with his brother, then break up and hook up with another brother, you are telling everyone involved, both the men and the women, that the patch is more important to you than the man wearing it. Don’t do that. I only know of one chick who did something similar to this, but there were years between each man, and it did hurt her reputation for awhile. Just don’t do it. Once you are labeled a “patch whore”, you will be despised by the women and disrespected by the men. Always try to think of the long game.
  3. You would be wise to get in good with the women first. If you don’t, they are the number one reason women get driven off — not the men. Don’t think for a minute the men are going to stick up for you against their brothers’ ole ladies. Don’t be retarded.
  4. If the patch is more important to you than the guy, and you are able to admit to it, then remember, pick a team. You can’t first be in the Red & Gold clubs and then hop over to the Black & White ones. Neither of the camps will ever trust you again. Why should they? You’ve proven you aren’t loyal.
  5. Despite everything, real human beings are what comprises these clubs. Three-piece patches don’t automatically change who a man is on the inside. The clubs are large, and thousands of different men bring their own strengths and weaknesses to the table. If he was good man before the patch, he’ll probably remain a good man. If he wasn’t, he won’t become one. The club has power in certain areas, but it doesn’t change who a person is deep down inside of their heart.
  6. I would never recommend a woman join this culture. I would never have chosen it for myself. My husband chose it after we had been married for over a decade, and I can admit, I
    Everyone Has A Story...
    Everyone Has A Story…

    didn’t fit into it all that well. I just hid how I felt about stuff a little better than most. I think every woman should really look at the pros and the cons of a life like this and ask herself if the risk is worth it. You are only in it as long as your old man allows you to be, and like me, it can all be gone in an instant. Citizens will always assume you must have been some kind of prostitute/junkie/drug mule because of your stint in the life, whether it’s true or not. Be ready for the consequences to your reputation.

  7. For those of you bitter and angry about no longer being in the life, let me say this: We all knew going in that it could be gone in the time it takes to snap your fingers. How angry and upset at the club as a whole can you really be? I’ll admit. I blamed the Bandidos for Chef, but I also blamed Panera Bread, a tweaker homeless drug dealer, Chef’s sandwich-artist girlfriend, her mother, and a host of other minor players in this unfolding drama. In the end, it was only Chef, and in a smaller part, my own self, that destroyed my marriage. Not the Bandits. Not the drug dealers. Not Panera Bread. Just Chef and me. Let the anger go. In the end, they never promised any of the females anything else. None of us were above the rules, no matter how long we were in or how well we were liked.

Ok. That’s about all I’ve got, guys. I really hate this subject, so please. No offense, but I don’t really like giving advice about how to break into this culture. I simply won’t be answering anymore emails about it. I apologize if I seem to be rude, but personally, I would hate for any of my daughters to be in this culture, so helping other women get into something they may or may not be able to handle just does not appeal to me. This the last response I will be making about women joining these sorts of cultures.

Bird (4 of 1)-15

~ Bird